*Soon after the release of *Needs More Wanger*, I noticed no one yet had written a song for the title ‘She’s a Geek Freak’ suggested by Casey B. I decided to do so.*

*Shortly thereafter I sent the lyrics to my old friend Major Zed who was so impressed by them he immediately wanted to do a complete rewrite. I collaborated in this, and then Major Zed made a recording.*

*Most of the vocals are synthesized, though my and Major Zed’s voices, heavily processed, are used in the intro/outro and bridge, respectively.*

*Revised lyrics by Doctroid and Major Zed, based on original lyrics by Doctroid:*

…Copy down and copy down and copy down and copy down…

Copy down and copy down and copy over in your room and

Read it damn it read it gotta know it get it grok[1] it gotta

Think about it think about it learn to do it soon

Well she knows he knows he knows it and she knows he thinks he’s got it

So she wants to get him somewhere tell him she wants to see his software

She can’t grep[2] a spool[3] in Unix[4] still she feels some real magnetics

She’s a geek freak, maybe show him some hooter

She’s a geek freak, by the supercomputer

She’s a geek freak, and she needs a nerd to love tonight

With her freckled tomboy cheekbones and a dose of female hormones

She goes looking for the doughboy with his janky[5] shirt and corduroy

Hair a nightmare, bad complexion but she’s 404[6] on finding him

She’s a geek freak, tries to be an attractor[7]

She’s a geek freak, at the breeder reactor

She’s a geek freak, and she needs a nerd to love tonight

Left cosets[8] regular polytopes,[9] knot invariants[10] and Cauchy

sequences[11]

Right cosets[8] regular polytopes, knot invariants and Cauchy sequences

Butterfly catastrophe,[12] Grassman bundle surgery[13]

Normal subgroups[8] regular polytopes, knot invariants and Cauchy sequences

So she tries the T.A.s[14] later says as far as commutators[8]

Go she doesn’t see the point so could they talk about neutrinos[15]

Maybe slip one in her pocket – maybe give them both what they wanted

She’s a geek freak, get a little romantic

She’s a geek freak, with a quantum mechanic

She’s a geek freak, and she needs a nerd to love tonight

Copy down and copy down and copy over in your room and

Read it damn it read it gotta know it get it grok it gotta

Think about it think about it learn it do it soon

Well she….

FOOTNOTES (by Major Zed):

(1.) Grok – understand. From Heinlein’s “Stranger in a Strange Land”

(2.) Grep – search command in Unix

(3.) Spool – temporary file serving as a queue, e.g., printer output

(4.) Unix – a real computer operating system

(5.) Janky – of inferior quality (’90s slang)

(6.) 404 – clueless. From web browser “404: Object Not Found” error message

(7.) Attractor – subset of a phase space approached asymptotically by a dynamical system.

(8.) Left coset, right coset, normal subgroup, commutator – left cosets are aG, right cosets are Ga, a subroup G is normal if aG=Ga, a commutator is an element of the form (a)(b)(a ^ -1)(b ^ -1). This is all jargon from mathematical group theory (abstract algebra) which is important in quantum physics, God only knows why.

(9.) Regular polytopes – N-dimensional generalization of regular polygons

(10.) Knot invariants – quantities defined on knots that are the same for equivalent forms of the knot. For example, crossing number is the minimum number of crossings in a diagram of the knot. Boy scouts could be physicists.

(11.) Cauchy sequence – a mapping from counting numbers to a metric space where for any epsilon>0 there is an N such that… oh, never mind.

(12.) Butterfly catastrophe – one of the basic surfaces in Rene Thom’s classification theorem (catastrophe theory). Not related to the “butterfly effect” (a butterfly flaps its wings and causes a hurricane). Not really, anyway.

(13.) Grassman bundle surgery – the Grassman manifold is the set of linear subspaces of a vector space. A bundle is locally a product of a vector space and a manifold. Surgery is the topological operation of defining the global structure of connectivity of a bundle. Think Moebius strip. Glad you asked?

(14.) T.A. – teaching assistant, typically an underpaid, overworked graduate student

(15.) Neutrino – chargeless, massless subatomic particle traveling at the speed of light. No, wait, it has a little bit of mass and it goes almost at the speed of light. But it has no charge. They think. Better check back next month.

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